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In the time after my mother died, I would drive out to the cemetery and sit by her grave. Having a chat, having a weep, having both a chat and weep. Women, especially those who become new mothers, have a lot to say to their mothers, even when those mothers are long gone. Sure, I could have had the chat with her in my imagination but sitting graveside made her seem more present. I was 26 when she died and that felt like it was about 40 years short of what I needed.
In Australia's capital cities, the housing problem is not just confined to the living - it also affects the dead. Our metropolitan cemeteries are running out of room.
The Illawarra Mercury's reporter Marlene Even revealed predictions that "suggest cemeteries in Sydney will become full within the next decade, with some faith groups facing acute shortages in the next five years". Some of those predictions say that there will be no space to bury our dead by 2032.
The good news is that it's not nearly so dramatic in the regions. Ceryn Campbell, a member of the Wodonga Cemetery Trust, says they've got enough land to last, ahem, a lifetime. And if it does start to get crowded, they've got a big paddock they can expand into. In the meantime, what the living choose to do with their beloved dead has changed.
"The number of burials we have hasn't increased at the same rate because there are so many cremations," Campbell said. And that, of course, means there is less money coming in for cemeteries.
Cremations are genuinely cheaper and what we do with the remains of our loved ones is pretty much our own call. Mind you, if you plan to copy White Lotus's Tanya McQuoid (Jennifer Coolidge) and scatter your mother's ashes at sea, please don't forget to ask the captain of your boat for permission. Also your captain may be not interested in hearing your spontaneous eulogy. McQuoid said, as she tearfully tossed handfuls into the waves: "And what's weird is I miss my mother, even though she was a big jerk!" And there is no evidence to say Sex and the City's Carrie asked for the permission of the mayor of Paris when she disposed of Big's ashes into the Seine, from an Eiffel Tower-shaped clutch.
So what can we do about the space shortage? University of Queensland academic Kate Falconer wants us to consider what will happen when we die and says we must start planning for our dead futures sooner rather than later because our populations are growing.
"We need to plan now for the generations dying in 20 or 30 years," she says. Alternative burials - maybe even being buried in backyards. Natural burial ground. Falconer even mentions integrating cemeteries into green space (she's just across the road from South Brisbane cemetery where people walk their dogs, have picnics).
Falconer's right. Let's make death part of our living community. Mix up the land use. For some of us it would mean being able to play with our grandkids, while quietly communing with our grandparents.
HAVE YOUR SAY: Would you prefer to be buried or cremated? Why? How have you disposed of the ashes of someone you love? Does the burial plot shortage worry you? Email us: echidna@theechidna.com.au
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IN CASE YOU MISSED IT:
- The Prime Minister has touched down in Europe, confirming a deal worth more than $1 billion to sell Australian-made armoured vehicles to Germany, ahead of talks at a NATO summit. Anthony Albanese landed in Berlin on Sunday night, German time, before a scheduled meeting with Chancellor Olaf Scholz on Monday.
- Social media giant Meta is stepping in to manage online discourse around the proposed Indigenous Voice to Parliament, promising a comprehensive strategy for Facebook, Instagram and the new Twitter rival Threads to combat misinformation, voter interference, and hate speech.
- The Public Service Commission said it had set up a centralised inquiry mechanism in response to Royal Commissioner Catherine Holmes's findings about the conduct, roles and responsibilities of individual public servants involved in robodebt.
THEY SAID IT: "All I ask of living is to have no chains on me, and all I ask of dying is to go naturally, only want to go naturally." Blood, Sweat and Tears
YOU SAID IT: I asked if the public service has become too politicised and if we can reestablish trust in the wake of robodebt?
John writes: "The public service is full of puppets. The master puppeteer is pulling all the strings. If the puppet doesn't dance, he is thrown away. I know. I'm an ex-puppet."
Cate writes: "With this report, now the 'quiet' Australians see openly what the Liberal and National Party (LNP) are - full of narcissistic, political grifters unwilling to even acknowledge they were wrong. They deserve 'to be tracked down and sent to gaol' to quote one of them. The LNP just don't care."
Erik writes: "I think Social Security and Human Services are not the only Federal departments characterised by poor leadership and cruel attitudes. For more than 20 years, Immigration seems to have turned incoming ministers into cold, heartless mouthpieces, especially in relation to asylum seekers and refugees (Andrew Giles seems to be resisting this). A clean out there would be a good first step in rescuing Australia's reputation in the rest of the world."
And Mark writes: "A family member informed me that two weeks ago they were contacted by debt collection agency in the employ of the Federal government. Were they aware that they had an outstanding amount of $1300 owed for childcare subsidy from five years ago? No. You would have been notified on your MyGov account. Never had one. Can we have itemised account? No debt too old. Family member paid amount to make make problem disappear, many won't be able. In the words of the agency staff member 'Robodebt is still with us just a different name'."